Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My first blog post

 It’s important to me, when creating this blog, to make everyone aware of the road that has led me here.   Therefore my first post will be more about that journey than quilting or sewing although those threads are wound throughout this tale.
   I began “blogging” but didn’t realize it on a site called  Caring Bridge.   If this is a new site name to you than consider yourself lucky.  On Mother’s Day 2008 we found out that my husband Ron, love of my life, 45 years young, 6’4” hunk-a-hunk-a burning love, had a mass on his brain.   Yeah, like that.
   He was eventually diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme stage 4 brain cancer.  I googled it at the library that night and that is when I learned of our fate.  If we were lucky, at his age, we would have 3 years.  I figured if I was lucky I wouldn’t be googling the words glioblastoma in the first no, we didn’t get that much time.
   We exhausted every avenue of treatment, some experimental, most conventional.  I drove Ron back and forth to UCLA for appointments, MRI’s, blood work, surgery.  We road the roller coaster that is a cancer diagnosis.  Along with us on that ride was our daughter Paige.  She had just graduated high school and had been accepted to University in Western Washington, she wants to be a high school math teacher.  Our son Reid, 14 at the time and so much like his father it’s uncanny.
    In March of 2010 Ron’s brain began to swell from the pressure of the tumor which they could no longer control with chemo and steroids, they got his pain under control and sent him home with me where I tended his every need for 12 days while he died.  He was aware and alert, walking and laughing, cussing and being cantankerous for 7 of those days.  And then he wasn’t.  I held him through the night, holding onto the small glimmer of life left in my man, but it didn’t save him, nothing could, and he died on Monday morning, March 22nd.
   One year later when they tell you not to make any “important” decisions I have launched my pattern line onto the world wide web, opened up that file of sketches for new patterns and begun to sew again.   The creative process has never left me through out all that we have been through.  On treatment days after getting Ron settled into the chemo chair, his infusions begun, lights turned down low and the hideous pastel patch bed curtain pulled tightly around our two chairs.  I would quietly open my basket and extract whatever applique’ project I had brought to work on for that visit.  The nurses would always check on my progress, wanting to talk about “how do you make such tiny stitches?, what is that going to be when you are done? can’t wait to see it finished”.  Lori Holt’s “A Quilter’s World” and Bunny Hill’s first free block of the month “Tisket a Tasket”  were each completed in infusion rooms.  I can’t look at either one of those quilts without being taken on a journey filled with hopes and dreams, dread and despair and love, so much love.     You know I was lucky...I had 22 months to tell the man of my dreams every single day how much he meant to me, we left nothing unsaid, nothing undone and for that I am thankful.
   My blog will be about stitcheries and stories.  It was important that I tell you mine so that on the days when the grief stops me in my tracks you won’t need me to explain because it has all been said here already.  Thank you for listening


Sharon said...

Wow!! I guess first I'll say welcome to blogland. And then I'll say what a story. Brought tears to my eyes. Bless your heart! You will love blogging and see that bloggers are here for each other. To lift us up on those bad days and just listen when we want them to hear what we have to say.
I can't wait to see your patterns and your quilting you've done.
Welcome friend!!!!

Susan Bailey said...

Lori, Congratulations on your wonderful blog! Now I'll have someone new to "stock" out there in blogland. I can't wait to see the adventures that I'll be able to follow of yours. From reading other's blogs, please don't let any of the crappy comments get you down. You know I wish you the best of everything that you deserve. You work so hard for your family and before you know it they will realize the sacrifice that you are and have been making for them.

Judy Gallegos said...

Lori, your feelings are so elegantly expressed in this blog and it's a real tribute to Ron and your children. As difficult as this journey has been, you've shown Paige and Reid that you love them enough to hold your family together, to pick up the pieces of your life and stitch them back together to make a new "family quilt." It may look different than you had hoped for or expected, but it's going to be so beautiful and vibrant because it's filled with an immense amount of love. You are such an inspiration to me, Lori. Love you, girl.

Sherri said...

Susan Bailey told me about your blog (we met in a Carrie Nelson class a little over a year ago). My heart goes out to you--you must be an incredibly strong person--you describe heart-breaking events,yet I sense you have so much hope; it's very inspiring. I look forward to reading your blog and seeing your designs

seanbethcole said...

Love you girl, you are going to do great! I have such faith in you and your work. This is going to happen for you, I can feel it! XOXO, Beth

Anonymous said...

You are taking one stitch at a time and you are showing your friends and family how, with a whole lot of courage, how they can make it through trials and tribulations if they just stay positive. You've started a new 'pattern' and all the pieces are going to turn out beautifully ... a whole new life stitched with love, memories and hope! Love you, Marylin

Claudia Espinoza said...

Thank you for sharing this very personal and touching piece of your life..your heart with us all. I'm touched by your words of reflection and bring me to a state of aww..
Aww as in awesome woman survivor!
I look forward to reading more of your blogs! all my best to you.