Sunday, March 18, 2012

An Anniversary

   They say a pictures worth a thousand words.  This photo was taken at our son's junior high graduation.  We looked like any other family, waiting in the hot summer sun to catch a glimpse of your beautiful boy walking down the isle to get his diploma.
What I see when I look at the picture is my husband Ron two weeks post op.  They had de bulked the brain tumor and he was due to start the two hour round trip journey every day for 6 weeks to get radiation and then chemo.  We were a family just coming to grips with the news we had been given.
   Two hours after this photo was taken I made my first  911 call after Ron collapsed with shortness of breath and chest pains.  Ambulances and firefighters where swarming our home and Ron was taken to the nearest hospital.   I drove away and glimpsed my son staring after us with tears running down his face.  There would be no graduation celebration for this family on that day.   Ron survived this episode but it became our lives for the next 22 months.
   Tomorrow March 22nd will be 2 years since I lost my husband.  The grief is not as raw as year one, but you are expected to be "over it" by now.  I am expected to be "moving on".  Very few remember this date or understand why I'm quiet, sensitive and moody.  I've learned to hide my grief away in the privacy of my home, behind a locked door.
   I can't write about quilting today, I'm grieving, I'm remembering and I'm missing...him.
Our first Christmas 1988


Anonymous said...

I don't think you ever get over it. But you are right, the pain will be less as time passes. However, two years is not that much time. All the emotions that you are feeling are quite normal.

Thinking of you,

Melisa @ Sweet Home said...

Anyone who "expects" you to be over this loss hasn't ever been there! My heart hurts for you, and you're in my prayers.

Sweet Home Quilt Co.

Anonymous said...

Everyone grieves and mourns in their own way and time. There is no law that says you have to do it a certain way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I love the Christmas picture!!!

Pin Up Girl Designs

Laurene said...

Thinking of you, Lori! I'm sorry.